You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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