i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
