when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't put those talents on a resume
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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