Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
