I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
