I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Terrible idea I love it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
