You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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