I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
