Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
