dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
