People in love make me want to vomit
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
