After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
