They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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