I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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