Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
