My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
