I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
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