we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize