stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
