Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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