I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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