Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
