The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
