Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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