Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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