I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
