he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
