Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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