My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
