That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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