There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
