I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize