That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
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