I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
