you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
