I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
