I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
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