i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
