All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
