I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
