Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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