were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize