I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize