I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
