Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
