my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
