You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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