I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
