So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
