I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
