she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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