I want to have your abortion
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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