I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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