Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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