I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
