I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
