I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
