how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
