He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
50% drunk capacity currently
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
