he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize