He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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