I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
