Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
