i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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