no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
