i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
