one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
